Can’t sleep…. All I have been able to do is lie in bed trying to sleep but instead I get a million thoughts rushing through my mind. I just want to sleep. I want to sleep through all of the drama and then wake up and everything be fine, I don’t want to have to deal with all the mistakes and judgment everyday…. I can’t.
Of course sleeping through the hard times isn’t possible and I will have to just put my head up and push on.
People make mistakes, people do stupid things, but to not at least try and see from their point of view and work it out is just pathetic. Losing somebody that was a close friend over something so insignificant compared to other things that could have happened sucks, I can’t do anything to fix it and what’s worse is, I don’t even want to try and fix it anymore. I’m to hurt and damaged to put myself out there at the moment, I just want to live in my own little world where nobody else exists.
I’m probably just talking shit, I’m just so drained to even care.
today was not a very good day for me, had little to no sleep and woke up to the fire alarm going off continuously for no reason.
not only did i have to deal with a massive headache all day, but i have quit smoking and i am very stressed out with no real outlet to vent at the moment. things weren’t going good from the start.
as usual i had some sort of bullshit drama that i had to deal with, not only did i lose a friend, but that person also picked at every little flaw about me when they themselves are not the most perfect person. not only did i start feeling like shit months ago but now i feel even worse because of another persons own issues with how they behave and treat people -something that i really did not need in my life again.
to be able to get through the day i ended up crying for a few hours and punching my wall, not such a great idea considering i already have a suspected fractured hand -lets just say that right now, typing is a real struggle.
it occurred to me that i should invest in taking some anger management classes to help figure out a better way to deal with my anger -i’m not to keen on this because i don’t like admitting that i have problems.
honestly, the only good thing about today was that i have decided to go back to school and i now know who i can and can’t trust.
can’t wait for tomorrow….kidding.
i decided to give in and get a tumblr.
i have a feeling that it’s going to be good for me to have an outlet in which i can express myself freely without being judged -hopefully this is the right place.
it takes a lot of courage to sit down and actually type out how you’re feeling and post it on the internet, so i’m going to try it out and see how it goes for me.
wish me luck. x